Ed (sirndipiti) wrote,
Ed
sirndipiti

more stuff less time...

..more stuff to do that is...i just spent 1-1/2 hrs watering veggie garden and flower beds; it is nice being out early and the humidity is low and the temp is comfortable and the local critters speak their piece and my toes enjoy wiggling in the damp grass and i imagine the soft cool/warm (does that make sense) breeze blowing around me says good things are coming your way...any yet......and yet, there's a tiny niggling sensation somewhere between my shoulder blades that maybe these things are all an illustion--not the growies and the ground and the birds, i see them as real--but the feeling that all is super in my universe, that a serene cloud is wrapping around me much as this morning breeze does, i want to know, 'where is the shit sandwich?' -- i have 2473 things to do around the house, but they'll get done; there's the 177 project irons in the fire but each gets it's turn when the time is right -- i do feel there's more i want to be accomplishing, but i try not to let that be a pressure on me -- so here it is: things could be a lot worse, i know that, i'm comfortable but not really happy, i enjoy bits of life as they happen but can't seem to gather them into any meaningful whole -- sometimes i feel like i must be sedated in some way, just floating down the river exist, grabbing a handful of berries from the bank and scooping a handful of water to satisfy hunger and thirst; i wave to people i know along the banks and exchange a few words but i don't have any real contact; we all have a little bubble of private space that won't be violated -- so where's the adventure, the zest, the excitement of jumping up from bed in the morning thinking this is going to be the best day ever? am i just dreaming, surely some people are that full with life...is the only reason i don't feel part of those full-with-life, who are not only living but really alive, that i have chosen not to be? if that's so, then it's time to get out of this flimsy craft on the river exist and find the missing in my living; if not now, when...
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  • 16 comments

  • (no subject)

    I know I have been absent from here for about a week... just doing life, I guess. Had a nice evening bike ride with a friend a few days ago. She is…

  • was a nice evening for a ride

    Haven't had too much opportunity for a ride with friends lately, but last evening was perfect weather for a ride along the lake and a friend who also…

  • silly weather

    so...I pulled the battery and canceled road insurance on the bike for the season but now the sun is shining and it's 50 deg F -- but, yeah, it's…