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..so it's a journey...with "friends only" welcome to most of it

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more stuff less time...

..more stuff to do that is...i just spent 1-1/2 hrs watering veggie garden and flower beds; it is nice being out early and the humidity is low and the temp is comfortable and the local critters speak their piece and my toes enjoy wiggling in the damp grass and i imagine the soft cool/warm (does that make sense) breeze blowing around me says good things are coming your way...any yet......and yet, there's a tiny niggling sensation somewhere between my shoulder blades that maybe these things are all an illustion--not the growies and the ground and the birds, i see them as real--but the feeling that all is super in my universe, that a serene cloud is wrapping around me much as this morning breeze does, i want to know, 'where is the shit sandwich?' -- i have 2473 things to do around the house, but they'll get done; there's the 177 project irons in the fire but each gets it's turn when the time is right -- i do feel there's more i want to be accomplishing, but i try not to let that be a pressure on me -- so here it is: things could be a lot worse, i know that, i'm comfortable but not really happy, i enjoy bits of life as they happen but can't seem to gather them into any meaningful whole -- sometimes i feel like i must be sedated in some way, just floating down the river exist, grabbing a handful of berries from the bank and scooping a handful of water to satisfy hunger and thirst; i wave to people i know along the banks and exchange a few words but i don't have any real contact; we all have a little bubble of private space that won't be violated -- so where's the adventure, the zest, the excitement of jumping up from bed in the morning thinking this is going to be the best day ever? am i just dreaming, surely some people are that full with life...is the only reason i don't feel part of those full-with-life, who are not only living but really alive, that i have chosen not to be? if that's so, then it's time to get out of this flimsy craft on the river exist and find the missing in my living; if not now, when...

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*waves from shore--throws you a lifeline*

LIfe will be what you struggle up from the mire to make it.

If you haven't gone under already I suspect there is a strong will within your spirit to seek further and not be satisfied with the mere status quo that life too frequently offers each of us--or the delivery with anchovies of The Shit Sandwich. Because, as we all know, anchovies taste like shit anyways...

1) get out of the mid-stream--and dry off
2) dedicate a project to yourself for a change
3) re-charge your batteries with good music, good people and good thoughts; laugh and live and love
4) don't stop until you have every answer you seek
5) grab what you can and shake the shit out of it
6) don't look back--only ahead

Oh. And send me a postcard.

Re: *waves from shore--throws you a lifeline*

sounds like good advice :) -- i'll send you a postcard from the edge...

Re: *waves from shore--throws you a lifeline*

Better yet--let's have an adventure and send everyone ELSE postcards...

A soulful post Ed. I think you speak for many with your words. The word 'rut' springs to mind. I think lots of us end up in one, where each day blends into the next with nothing of excitement to put a spark in us. We become familiar with the people and things that surround us. There's such a world of difference between being not unhappy and happy, I feel. What can add a spark to your life? I really don't know. They say that love makes the world go round, and I certainly think that to be in love and sharing days with a soulmate would provide a spark. For me, anyway.

aww gwen, you speak with more insight than seems possible from that little peek-a-boo place behind your blue whatever-it-is -- your post hits me right in the heart........thank you so much :)

*smiles* I'm peaking out from behind
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*smiles* I'm peaking out from behind <a href="http://stargate.planet-tranquility.org.uk/JellyCat.JPG"<b>JellyCat</b></a> :-)

"am i just dreaming, surely some people are that full with life...is the only reason i don't feel part of those full-with-life, who are not only living but really alive, that i have chosen not to be? if that's so, then it's time to get out of this flimsy craft on the river exist and find the missing in my living; if not now, when..."

I think that you have spent a great deal of time searching for that certain meaning...scooping up handfuls of water from that river and really looking at what it is and can be...
Life throws us blurps of inspiration randomly and occasionally--sometimes we get it and sometimes we miss it completely...but I dont think they times we really dont get it, that we are not fully living. With the unpredictability of life, especially lately-people have begun to shut themselves down and live inside the bubble, because it is safer. Never better, but safer.
I think you know better. And though I have lost the meaning of this note, I know this: You are the most "alive" person I have "known"...and when i feel I cant go on another day--you reach out your arm and with whatever you have in you, give me strength. If that is not living...I dont know what it.


Never better, but safer...

thanks so much for your insightful comments, gina, it does mean a lot to me to think that i've touched your life in some small way--and i think maybe you see to the core of what i'm feeling: yes i'm comfortable and have no real traumas in my present life, i can easily accept what i have and say that's enough, that's just what i've been doing and i am inside the bubble and so are those around me, each in their own bubble, it's only our outer shells that touch, a bump and then we go about our business again without any sharing of our existance -- i want to reach beyond where i am and grow into new sunlight and share my adventure with other adventurer(s) -- i may not know what i want but i know it's missing...


Re: Never better, but safer...

I couldn't possibly say it better than Gina did. She is my hero! However, if you ever find the needle to pop that bubble, pass it on to me and I shall rid myself of mine as well!

Yesterday during my psych appointment he asked why I was so nervous.....leg bouncing, tapping my fingers on the arms of the chair, crossing and uncrossing my legs.....and I said, because the damn door is shut and it's driving me nuts! Mark practically spit his coffee out laughing! And he told me I could open it if I wanted to! Oh Yeah, no more visits with the door shut. My own bubble that I bring into the room is enough!

Re: Never better, but safer...

hah, that's funny, vickie -- actually i like closed doors, is that another sign of keeping people out??

but from what i gather, you seem to have a relaxed nice life. sure we have problems to deal with, nothing is ideal...but i fancy you at least existing peacefully...xo

existing peacefully...

..you got my number, lisa...

but somehow i know there's more to it than that -- i know you must have those feelings at times, no?


Yes... we all have those feelings... I see people from our lj circle (us included) go up, down and all around... each asking somewhat the same questions - just differently - about ever other week or so... almost in turn... but the nicest thing is that we all seem to have each other to support us... especially when we get in these moods. You know I think your priceless... and so valuable to me as a lj friend. I know lot's of times you have really shed light on things and helped me in many different ways... even just listening. I truly know how you are feeling... but we both know it will come and go again and again... for you and me and everyone else. It's a circle I suppose.

go up, down and all around

"And the seasons, they go round and round; and the painted ponies go up and down. We're captives on the carosel of time. ..." yeah, you're right -- but i'm tired of going round and round, i think i'd like a ride on the 'spinning teacup' or a water slide or maybe just a swim in the ocean ;-)

thanks for being there, maralena

Re: go up, down and all around

Well hell - let's all charter a plane and get a good group room rate and take a field trip to Disney Land! Maybe that's what we all need! That should shake us up. I have never been there... It may actually do me some good. :)

Re: go up, down and all around

hey, what we need is a good ol' fashioned road trip to get us acquainted and away from life as we know it ;-)

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